Video Games Helped Me Vote

by curing my fear of being "wrong

Video games were never allowed in the house growing up. I always thought it was some sort of moral high-ground, since my parents also refused to have alcohol in the house.

It wasn’t until a few months ago I found out it was because my parents took a trip to visit some friends years ago, and dad spent nearly the entire time obsessively playing some video game. (I have yet to ask him which one…)

My mom was furious and my dad (with a tendency for addiction) was shook at the ferocity the grip of gaming had over him in such a short time.

They both agreed video games would never have a place in their house.

But as a kid, it was just one of those things that made going over to other friends’ houses that much more fun. We got to do forbidden things like… Lego Star Wars, wear bikinis, and watch *whisper* “The Little Mermaid” (yes, that movie was banned in our home as well.)

Yes, this is the grievous contraband I’m talking about. Obviously all rights go to Disney.

I’ve always struggled with anxiety over doing the “wrong” thing. Choosing the “wrong” degree and wasting my tuition. Choosing the “wrong” boyfriend and wasting my precious heart. Choosing the “wrong” job and rejecting God’s call on my life.

It got to a point where I was filled with dread anytime I was asked to make any decision, even one so small as “what movie should we watch?”

What if I pick something dumb, and they hate it but are too polite to change it, and they think I’m dumb for picking it? What if it’s not any fun? What if it’s too violent? What if they secretly are in the mood for a comedy and I pick a thriller about a serial killer?

I don’t know exactly what I fear will happen other than just a general sense of disappointment.

Because that’s what I felt when I made mistakes growing up… Disappointment. Disappointment that I’d had a secret boyfriend and we *gasp* had sex. Disappointment that I wanted a tattoo. Disappointment that I started drinking when I was 21.

Ironically, the disappointment didn’t make me make any “better” choices, it just made me better at hiding the more disappointment-inducing ones, made all the easier when I finally moved out.

But, back to video games.

Video games are a virtual Costco for decisions. What dialogue will you choose? Which quest will you accept? What gear will you build? Which skills will you upgrade? What’s your character’s name (I HATE THIS ONE SO MUCH)? When do you attack and when do you defend?

The decision-fatigue was real. (I may have cried attempting to just create a character in Baldur’s Gate 3.)

Image from IGN.com

And that was even before the fighting.

I am…. lacking, in the coordination department. I need one, maybe two buttons, auto-aim, and slow opponents if I’m to stand a chance. And the adrenaline shooting through my veins like they’re the Jamaican bobsledding team from “Cool Runnings” certainly doesn’t help with my accuracy.

However, after living and learning — and dying and learning even more — I’ve realized that (get ready for a super profound realization) it’s just a video game. (I know, I know… I’ll give you time to absorb the enormous implications of that.)

My actions have ZERO consequences after I turn the console off. If I die, every game (at least every one I’ve played, I’ll never play Dark Souls) brings you back with minimal inconvenience. And then you try again.

As the weight has lifted, I’ve begun to notice something else blooming where fear has been methodically uprooted: curiosity.

I explore more. I experiment. I craft things I don’t need and then end up throwing them away. I try out skills and then decide I don’t like them and I reassign the points elsewhere. I have no idea what’s going on, and none of the other players do either. We’re all just in the world together, searching for rare, beautiful items, being a hero to NPCs, and figuring out as we go along.

Kind of similar to this strange life we’re in.

Yes, there are consequences to our real life actions, and we can’t just hit “Revive at Checkpoint” but… there’s something to be said about letting curiosity reign over fear. There’s excitement, light, and laughter. There are stories and connections, and this rare, beautiful thing called Joy. And Joy cannot exist where there is fear.

Can I tell you a secret?

I’m 28, and I have never voted.

I’ve always been scared of voting for the wrong choice.

Now, the choice has never been clearer: Will I choose Fear, or will I choose Joy?

There is only one option I want. And no matter what happens, I know I will have made my choice without fear.

Happy Election Day, everyone.

Yours openly,

Camilla Joy